


General Hux's Adventures With Fanfic Tropes

by Davechicken



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 17:39:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7650232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which General Hux is subject to more tropes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	General Hux's Adventures With Fanfic Tropes

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Kylo Ren’s Adventures With Fanfic Tropes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5818582) by [Davechicken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken). 



> Please know this parody is a work of love, not implied slight on anyone's AU or headcanon. Hell, I write more than half of them. I just was asked to take the piss, so I did ;)

**COFFEE SHOP AU**  

Hux comes home one day to find Kylo wearing… wearing… an apron. And holding some weird, disposable cup. And he’s written ‘Shucks’ on it, in a thick, black marker pen. With lovehearts.

It’s ridiculous, and he says so, because at this time of a night he only drinks herbal teas and not caf. And there is _absolutely no need_ to wear a ridiculous, branded apron to serve it to him.

 _But we’re supposed to be roleplaying_ , Kylo pouts.

Hux does not want to roleplay being in a coffee shop. Coffee shops are filled with people who don’t contribute to society, and he sure as hell wouldn’t fuck someone whose primary source of income was dependent on smiling and adding syrups to cups.

  


**GURO**

They’re in the middle of some severely heavy petting when suddenly Kylo reaches into the bedside cabinet and withdraws a vibroblade. Hux doesn’t _think_ Kylo hates him so much that he’s about to murder him in the sack, but frankly, the man isn’t the most stable of individuals. 

He’s about to ask why he’s currently threatening his life, when Kylo turns the blade’s handle towards him, and nods. 

Hux asks what the hell Kylo is playing at, and gets a:  _It’s supposed to be - you know - sexy_.

Hux points out that Kylo cried for half an hour when he trapped his thumb in the bedside cabinet last night. Kylo is unimpressed.

  


**ROLE REVERSAL**

Hux cannot breathe in this mask. It is stupid. It is stupid, and it blocks his vision, and the whole outfit is just insane. He’s glad the lightsaber is a fake, because if he had a real one right now he would as likely poke his own eye out as he would walk into a door, and both of them have odds he wouldn’t go to a bookmaker about.

He tries to point out that he hates the Force anyway and it is dumb and foolish and no real comparison to proper military technique, training, and technology… but then he hears Kylo’s voice from behind him. He’s been talking to the door.

Hux removes the helmet with a grunt, but he does have to admit that Kylo in real - **real** \- uniform is something of a draw. So this attempt is at least fifty percent successful. 

  


**CAPTURE AND INTERROGATION**

They get three questions into the fake capture scenario before Hux’s training kicks in too hard. He won’t stop repeating the name, rank and serial number that’s been drilled in, even when Kylo gently pushes through his thoughts. 

 _Hux does not like that one bit_.

So he runs his mouth and starts telling the Knight that his technique is deplorable, that he really _can_ get better results using his Stormtroopers, and by the end of his tirade, whatever arousal might have been kindling is well and truly doused, and Kylo storms off and leaves him tied up.

_HUX. IS NOT. IMPRESSED._

_  
_

**GENERAL INTERRUPTUS**

Hux is a busy man. Very busy. His work is important. 

This is the third ‘drill’ this month.

The first time was arousing in its delicious deviance, in the misuse and abuse of power. He’d come so hard, and he’d blushed like hell after, remembering the (what he’d thought was a) one-off sexual sinning on the bridge of his ship.

The second time, he remembered the first, and he was a little annoyed at the distraction from important, First Order business, but he’d indulged him.

This time, he folds his arms across his chest. No, Kylo, not now.

_But I sounded the alarm, and–_

Unsound it. I’m busy.

_But–_

**Unsound it**.

He remains annoyed for the rest of the day.

  


**BONDAGE**

Hux was unaware how painful a cramp could really be when you couldn’t get out of the ropes fast enough. Hux is no longer unaware of how painful a cramp can be when you don’t get out of the ropes fast enough. Hux is now the proud owner of a) rope-ligature burns, b) cut-down scissors, c) a boyfriend who isn’t allowed to have any ideas for the rest of the week.

Or maybe ever.

  


**PSYCHIC BONDS**

Sure, you think it sounds like a good idea to hear what your lover is thinking. It’ll get you closer, make you bond deeper. It’s a deep and intimate sharing.

It would be, if Kylo’s thoughts were deep and intimate. _Some_ of them are. The majority of them are so mundane and repetitive that Hux doesn’t know how he hasn’t gone actually insane living in that head.

Mood-enhancement it is not.

  


**FOOD PLAY**

Sticky. Sheets.

  


**FISTING**

Hux never wants to see those gloves ever again. Ever, ever, ever again.

Also, he doesn’t know why Kylo seems to think these experiments are necessary. He was perfectly happy with their sex-life before, and the more that goes wrong, the harder Kylo seems to try.

It’s getting to the point where he’s afraid to go back to his quarters in case Kylo’s dressed as a slave girl, or waving around alien dildos, or demanding they call one another by weird pet names, or maybe wear animal ears and tails.

***

It’s late, and he tells Kylo they need to talk. Kylo vibrates with worry, ready to launch into a thousand begging, pleading reasons, and Hux just asks him once to stop.

“Kylo… _why_ are you so invested in these… ah, diversions?”  


His boyfriend (if you can call him that, which he supposes he probably should, now) squirms. “It’s… you’ll laugh.”

“I laughed when you tried to belly dance for me, so I think you’re okay with a bit of ridicule, don’t you?”  


The man’s ears pinken, and his head goes into his chest. “Ijustdidn’twantyoutogetboredofmeisall.”

Hux frowns. “What?”

“You… you’ve got… you’ve got so much experience, and I don’t. And - and I thought if I was interesting and open-minded enough…”  


“You… were trying to impress me?”  


Kylo tries to walk away, and he reaches over to grab his hand. 

“You idiotic nerf… I’m perfectly happy with just _you_. I don’t need any of these… tricks and gimmicks. You’re more than enough for me.”  


“You… aren’t bored by me?”  


“Maker, no. Kylo… when you stop trying to think so hard? That’s when you’re sexy as hell. So please: stop with these weird obsessions. We don’t need them.”  


“…not any?”  


Hux thinks about it for a moment. “Okay, the uniform can stay, and the handcuffs, too. But none of the other things.”

Kylo smirks. “Not even the flavoured lube?”

A deep, deep sigh. “And the flavoured lube. But nothing else. Not unless I ask for it. Understood?”

Kylo nods, and slides his thumb over Hux’s. 

“Understood.”  


“Now… there’s one thing we _haven’t_ done yet, and I think you’re going to like it.”  


Kylo perks considerably. “Yes?”

“You’ve been _very bad._ So very, very bad. I think I’m going to have to spank you, you know.”  


Kylo’s eyes light up. “ _Yes, Sir_.”

Okay, maybe the title can stay, too.


End file.
